MY WIFE: Episode 11-20

[Edoman]

MY WIFE: Episode 11-20

MADAM BOLA: morning baba o!

BABA: morning. E don tey since I never see you. You don forget us abi?

MADAM BOLA: no be so, baba. I no well na from hospital to hospital I dey go

BABA: you for come collect herbs now

MADAM BOLA: I go come for that one soon but e get one way I need like now now!

BABA: wetin be that one?

MADAM BOLA: shebi you know that my omo Ibo tenant, na she be my wahala. I don do everything make I see if she go pack out, for where!

BABA: wetin exactly she do?

MADAM BOLA: ah baba! Since she enter that yard, I never well. Na from one sickness to the other! From one loss to the other. Now, since my daughter come home eat for her house, her marriage don enter wahala!

I believe say she be witch because as we dey suffer these things, na so she dey buy new new things! Last week she buy one big fridge and generator, yet she no get job o! How tenant go dey enjoy pass landlord! Ah! E no add up naw!

BABA: hmmmmmmm! You see that girl? She be witch. E get one strong medicine man wen dey give am medicine. She dey divert all una good luck to herself. But no worry, we go teach am say power pass power!
Wetin you want make we do am?

MADAM BOLA: baba, the bible says suffer not the witch to live! Make we kill am have peace. Haba!

BABA: madam, you no think say that one too harsh? Remember say you get daughter too and she too be person daughter. I no support the killing one ah!

MADAM BOLA: e for better like that, but if you no gree, make we make am mad. Baba, no be small madness o! Madness way go make am the waka naked for the streets of Lagos! I wan see am dey pick rubbish for gutter!

BABA: that one na small job. I go charge you seventy thousand.

MADAM BOLA: ah! e too much naw! Baba, na fifty I hold. Abeg

BABA: I dey come

(Baba went into his shrine and came back with some charms tied around with different coloured fabrics and feathers )

BABA: take this, when you reach house, do the normal incantations on it facing the east, then drop am for her doorstep. The moment her eyes see am, E go begin. E fit take two days before the proper madness start.

MADAM BOLA: eshe baba!

(Madam Bola got home, and did exactly as she was told. She did it in the early hours when everyone was still asleep. Around 7.am, Adaku was leaving for work when she saw the strange looking object on her doorstep)

ADAKU:? kee ihe di ihe a, bikonu! (What is this!)
Well, whatever you may be, whoever might have kept you, whatever your purpose… I declare that no weapon fashioned against me shall prosper! Any tongue that has declared evil against me, I bring you to judgement this morning.
In the name of Jesus Christ, I nullify you!

The bible say that the Lord has highly exalted Jesus and given him a name that is above every other name, that at the mention of the name Jesus every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord!

Therefore, you shall have no effect on me, as I continue to abide under the shadow of the almighty! (Picks it up and tries to put it in the bin)

MADAM BOLA: hey! Hey! No put that thing inside any bin for this compound! Na so you and your people dey spread juju everywhere! Carry am go wherever you want throw am. No be for this compound!
************************************************

(Nkechi did not come back from her boyfriend’s house yesterday. And as usual, Ebuka left the house early leaving just Amara and Funmi at home.
Amara had just woken up and went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. She looked out from the window and saw Funmi sitting by the swimming pool and crying away. So she gently walked up to her)

AMARACHI: I want to tell you a story, shall I?

FUNMIstartled) Jesus Christ! You scared me! Seriously, why can’t you stay the hell away from me! Why are you stalking me!
Don’t you have a home or family to go back to!???

AMARACHI: my flight was rescheduled for Sunday, so I’ll stop disturbing you very soon. But I must tell you this story.

FUNMI: i am not interested!

AMARACHI: it doesn’t matter. Well, A farmer lived who was very poor and could barely provide his family’s daily bread. He works for a certain rich man in his farm and gets paid peanuts monthly. But it was his only source of livelihood so he was happy that he at least had one!

This farmer had an only son whom he managed to send to high school. One day, his son who was very brilliant got home and told him that he had been given scholarship to study abroad!

The farmer was over the moon, but his happiness quickly turned to sadness when his son mentioned that he needed money to purchase his flight ticket.

FUNMI: (repositions herself so that she is now facing and listening to Amara) why didn’t the scholarship board take care of that?

AMARACHI: well, they didn’t. So this man thought of what to do. He had no one to borrow from and month end was still far away. So he decided to steal from his master.

FUNMI: ughhhhh!

AMARACHI: he went to his master’s safe and took just enough money for his son’s flight ticket. He gave his son the money and he travelled. Unknown to him however, was the fact that one of his colleagues saw him taking the money!

FUNMI: oh sugar!

AMARACHI: the next day, his master summoned all of them and asked them who took the money, but they all denied it including him. So the master promised he was going to investigate and if he finds out who did it, he would ensure the fellow spends the rest of his life behind bars!
When the master left, the colleague that saw him taking the money called him separately and told him that he was going to report him to their master

The farmer begged and begged. So his colleague said that he would not tell their master on the condition that he gives him 50% of his salary every month.
Not wanting to go to jail, the farmer agreed to the condition.
Every month he would give his colleague half of his wage, and this carried on for years!

One day, He said to himself “I WILL REPORT MYSELF TO MY MASTER” so he went to his master and told him everything and how he had been paying his colleague to stop him from reporting him.

His master was greatly saddened, pardoned him and even promised him a pay rise. At the end of the month, he did not give his colleague any money. So he came asking for it.

Then the man said to him I HAVE REPORTED MYSELF TO MY MASTER, YOU NOW HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO REPORT. In shame, he left him alone

FUNMI: wow!

AMARACHI: Funmi?

FUNMI: Yes?

AMARACHI: report yourself to your master.

FUNMI: how do you mean?

AMARACHI: you see, when you report yourself to your master, you take the power away from the accuser!
When you sit your husband down and tell him exactly what happened, whoever is telling him all these will have nothing new to attack your home with.
I must leave you now. Good morning?

To be continued

 MY WIFE: episode 12

Ebuka slept at home last night, his first time sleeping at home since he got told about his wife and her manager.

Although he slept at home, he did not sleep in their bedroom and did not talk to Funmi or anyone else. He was on his Xbox in the living room until he slept off on the sofa.
Early in the morning, he woke up to a voice note on whatsapp from Calista.

The voice note was the full conversation between Calista and Funmi, in which she admitted sleeping with Mr Osai.

After listening to it, his fears were confirmed and he was ready to hear from the horse’s mouth. So he went upstairs were Funmi was on her knees doing her morning devotion.

EBUKA: sorry to disrupt, but you can always pray later. We need to talk!

FUNMI (gets up) good morning, darling

EBUKA: there’s nothing good about the morning. Did you sleep with your manager or not?

FUNMI: phewww! I did not cheat on you.

EBUKA: my question was clear, and it requires yes or no! Now, for the last time, did you sleep with your manager or not!!!!???

FUNMI: Ebuka, I have never cheated on you!??

EBUKA: you sure know how to test my patience, don’t you! Now, listen you little dirty cheat!
I need a break pending when I’ll be qualified to file for a divorce.
I would have done so this minute but we haven’t been married for up to a year, so we cannot obtain a divorce.
Take whatever belongs to you and leave before I come back

FUNMI: Ebuka, You know I can’t go to my family. They won’t have me! Why are you being unreasonable! Who is perfect anyway!

EBUKA: Funmi, I have never asked you to be perfect! All I ever wanted is faithfulness in our marriage! Is that too much to ask for!!!

FUNMI: I have been faithful!??

EBUKA: indeed! Well, since you don’t have anyone to go back to, I will leave for you! Enjoy yourself and have more sex in the office or in our bedroom (Walks away angrily and as he walked to his car, his phone began to ring..)
Hello, hello?

CHINWENDU: Ebuka, is that you?

EBUKA: Yes, dede. Good morning.

CHINWENDU: are you sober? And can you hold a meaningful conversation?

EBUKA: hian! What’s the meaning of that!

CHINWENDU: will you shut your stupid mouth! What’s the meaning of this video Nkechinyere sent me on whatsapp! When did you become a drunk to the extent of coming home late totally off your face! When, Ebuka!!!

EBUKA: I’m sure you’ll agree with me that I am an adult, and can have a drink or two when I want!

CHINWENDU: Ebuka, so this is What a Yoruba woman has reduced you to! Tell, me, what is going on in your marriage?

EBUKA: it’s nothing I cannot handle. I am a man.

CHINWENDU: well, act like one! This is the same girl you left Oge for! A beautiful independent Igbo woman I found you here in Germany. Oge is doing well now with her husband and her son, while you are drinking yourself to stupor over your Yoruba woman!

EBUKA: would you ever stop pulling the Oge card? Dede, please let me be. If I need your help or anyone else’s I would ask!

CHINWENDU: well, for your information, it’s been three months now since I was made redundant. Lisa has been taking care of all the family needs. So if you keep drinking and damage your liver or kidney, be ready to treat yourself.

And just so you know, Nkechi is still solely your responsibility. Mother needs to be taken care of and at the moment, I can’t do it. Better wake up and smell the coffee!
Send that Yoruba woman away before she sends you to your grave!
Ekwuchagom! (I’m done talking)

EBUKA: bye!

(Ebuka threw his phone into his car, and drove off)

(Funmi was in the bedroom drowning in the ocean of her own tears when her phone rang. When she picked up, it was her project supervisor at uni calling)

FUNMI: hello, ma’am good morning

PROFESSOR: morning, Funmi. Are you okay?

FUNMI: Yes, ma’am.

PROFESSOR: you haven’t been attending classes and I am yet to receive your primary research. I think I did mention to you that you have some outstanding debts to clear.
Your project is due to be handed in on the 30th of this month. How do you intend to do that when you have not even done your primary research!

FUNMI: I know…but..I.. I.. don’t think I will be continuing the programme. I’ll come back to it when I’m ready.?

PROFESSOR: awwww that’s a shame! You were doing really well. Can’t you get a loan from the bank or something?

FUNMI: sorry ma’am but I’ll rather not talk about it.

PROFESSOR: That’s okay. All the best, Funmi. Bye!

(While Funmi cried upstairs, Nkechi and Amara were in their room. Nkechi was really concerned and wondering what Funmi must have done to her brother…)

NKECHI: who knows what this demon did to him! Amara, do you know?

AMARACHI: not at all. But he has really changed towards her. He is not even talking to her; must be hard for her as well

NKECHI: I don’t care about her! I care about my brother! I hope they break up so that Ebuka will be himself again!

AMARACHI: NKechi, I wanted to tell you that I’ll be leaving on Sunday

NKECHI: why???

AMARACHI: but we said my flight was rescheduled for Sunday. So we have to keep to it, so that they don’t get to know we are lying

NKECHI: come on! Where is your brain when I need it! Now that he hates her, it is the time for you to get him to love you.
By the way, why did you stop wearing shorts and all?
He needs affection now more than ever! Cook for him, text him at work to see how he is doing. All those little thing! Come on!

AMARACHI: I’m convinced that your brother doesn’t like me. I don’t want to continue insulting myself. I’m only doing this because of you otherwise I wouldn’t. But from Portharcourt I will be calling him and maybe sending him pictures.

NKECHI: are you sure you won’t give up?

AMARACHI: I promise. Let me go upstairs and tell Funmi that I’ll be going home on Sunday

NKECHI: do you have to?

AMARACHI: just common courtesy. At least she allowed me into her home.

NKECHI: mtcheeeew. Go then!

(Amara went upstairs and met Funmi still crying. She lowered her voice to prevent Nkechi hearing them)

AMARACHI: did you tell him?

FUNMI: I told him I didn’t cheat!

AMARACHI: and? So you just told him you didn’t cheat? Girl! You need to be specific and tell him exactly what happened!
Yes you slept with him but not whilst married, like you told me.
Tell him you were in a relationship with him! Open your mouth and talk to your man!
No one is gonna do that for you!

FUNMI: I tried but he wouldn’t listen??

AMARACHI: then send him a text message. He can’t help reading it. All he seeks is an answer!
Anyway, I came to tell you that I’ll be leaving on Sunday

FUNMI: (kneels down and holds her legs) please don’t leave me and go. Please stay here with me. I have no one else to talk to????
Don’t leave me please

AMARACHI: I understand but I need to go back to Portharcourt. That’s where my family lives. Unless you want to come with me

FUNMI: but I work here. I’ll lose my job if I leave Abuja, please, Amara.

AMARACHI: I’ll think about it. In the meantime, wipe those tears and go look for something to eat, okay?

FUNMI: okay. I will. Thank you for being so kind. Thank you!

To be continued





My Wife: episode 13

TOSIN: help! Somebody help me!! Somebody help!!!!

ADAKU: (rushes out and finds Mrs Bola on the floor. She was breathing, but her breathing was very shallow and her eyes were shut)

ADAKU: What happened to her????

TOSIN: we just finished getting ready for church, as we stepped out, she just slumped????

ADAKU: madam Bola! Madam Bola can you hear me?? (Feels her pulse) of dear! Her pulse is barely there!
(Kneels down and gives her 15 chest compressions, then bends over her, locks her mouth into hers and gave her 3 rescue breath)
Can you hear me, Madam?

MADAM BOLA: (very faintly) y-e-s

ADAKU: great! Alright, just give me a minute let me get my car and take you to the hospital! Tosin, please get me Bose to assist me with getting her into the car!

(Adaku brought her car, assisted by Bose and Tosin, they got her into the back seat of the car. Adaku put her in the recovery position)

ADAKU: Bose, please come with us to the hospital. Some hospitals won’t help you get the patient out of the car and I can’t carry her alone, please. Tosin is only a boy

BOSE: sorry I can’t come with you guys. I’m sure the hospital will have wheelchairs to move patients around. Saturdays are the only days I rest. So I really need to rest but I’ll be praying for her. She will be fine, she is probably stressed

ADAKU: Tosin, get into the front seat!???

(Adaku drove as fast as she could to Ayodele General Hospital. She quickly got into reception and requested a wheelchair, but one of the nurses told her that all their wheelchairs were currently in use
She went back to her car and with a lot of difficulties, carried madam Bola into the hospital, purchased a card and they gave her a bed. After about 10 minutes, the doctor walked in and started taking her vitals)

DOCTOR: my name is doctor Ayodele, erm, I own this hospital. Your mum’s blood pressure is dangerously high. If nothing is done soon, and I mean s-o-o-n, she will have a heart attack and that may be fatal.

ADAKU: oh no! Please doctor, commence treatment!

DOCTOR: you need to deposit a non refundable sum of one hundred and thirty thousand naira, before we can do anything for her.

ADAKU: please doctor, I do not have any cash on me right now. Please treat her and money will never be an issue!

DOCTOR: we accept card payment, so, you don’t need to pay by cash.
If you look well at the reception, you will see it clearly written that we do not commence treatment without deposit. That was after we lost huge sums from cases like this.
So, it’s our policy here.
I’m going back to my office. When the payment is made, come to my office with the receipt and we will commence treatment. Remember, you must act fast! ?‍

(Adaku took her to two other hospitals owned by Yorubas, but they all refused to treat her without deposit. So she decided to ring her immediate younger brother who is a UK trained doctor and owns a sophisticated hospital in the Island
His brother quickly sent an ambulance to transport Mrs Bola to their hospital where treatment was immediately commenced on her..
*************************************************

(Amara was at the backyard spreading her washings when Ebuka walked up to her)

EBUKA: hi

AMARACHI: hi

EBUKA: how have you been?

AMARACHI: good.

EBUKA: what are you doing?

AMARACHI: it is obvious, isn’t it?

EBUKA: there’s no need to be rude. I..I am sorry I haven’t been talking to you all these while. I have been really messed up.
First, i want to apologise for the other day at Hilton. I was acting under frustration.
Secondly, I am also sorry for the nights I disrupted your sleep because I was drunk.
That was just my way of trying to block reality. I just don’t wanna face it

AMARACHI: it’s fine. It’s your house anyway. Erm, Thanks for having me. I will be leaving tomorrow.

EBUKA: That’s why I’m here. Phewww! What I’m m about to say, will contradict what I told you at the hotel. Perhaps, love does grow with time.

Seeing you everyday and seeing what a total woman you are, has made me fell in love with not just your body, but you.

AMARACHI: interesting.

EBUKA: I just wanted to ask if you could stay a little longer with us here. No, I’m not asking you to warm my bed just yet. Seeing you around makes me feel better. Can you just….You know…erm, just stay…

AMARACHI: You need a house girl?

EBUKA: no no! Of course I’m not asking you to do stuffs around the house. It’s up to you if you want to do them or not. I just want to come home and meet a woman at home, that’s it

AMARACHI: your wife is here. What other woman do you need to come home to?

EBUKA: listen, Amara. Funmi is still my wife today only because we cannot obtain a divorce now. We’ve only been married for five months but I have asked her for separation.
She knows when I say I’m done, I am indeed done!
The marriage between I and Funmi, is finished. As it stands, I am single, sorrowful and seriously searching

AMARACHI: hmmm! I would have loved to stay. I’m sure you don’t need a prophet to tell you how much I want you in my life
I couldn’t even hide it but fate looked into my heart and created this opportunity…..

EBUKA: awwwww! It’s sad that love was standing all these while in front of me, but I couldn’t see it. Funmi was a scale in my eyes. I’m glad she fell off and I saw this diamond. If you give me the chance, I will make you the envy of your friends and foes alike

AMARACHI: but I must go to London

EBUKA: why!!

AMARACHI: I already paid for the ticket as well as my hotel and the fees are non refundable

EBUKA: How much is it all together?

AMARACHI: I paid nearly 2 million naira

EBUKA: I’ll transfer that into your account right now

AMARACHI: oh my God! Will you? Awwww! If not that someone might be watching, I would have given you a very deep passionate kiss right now! Thank you!!!!

EBUKA: we have forever and a day to do that. And let me know what you would love to do after your graduation so that I can be working towards that, okay?

AMARACHI: okay!! Thank you so much

EBUKA: it’s nothing. I like to help any woman I am with to achieve the best she can. That was why I sent this dirty little cheat to do her masters. But she has ruined it because she couldn’t keep her legs closed. Her loss anyway!
The next step will be to send her out of my house

AMARACHI: please give her some more time!

EBUKA: if you say so. You are very kindhearted, Amara and that’s another thing that gets me falling in love with a woman. And if she has legs like yours? I just give her my mumu button. Now you know who has my mumu button! ??

AMARACHI:????

EBUKA: anyway, send me your account number so that I can transfer the money before I leave. I’m going to see my solicitor

AMARACHI: yeeeee! I’ll go inside and send it now! Thanks baby! (Runs back into the house)

EBUKA: you are welcome mama!? (gets into the car and left)

NKECHI: what is it! Why are you excited this Saturday morning!

AMARACHI: NK! Guess what!

NKECHI: what!

AMARACHI: your brother has asked me to stay!???? (starts texting Ebuka her account details)

NKECHI: that’s my girl!!!! ??????? so who are you texting?

AMARACHI: I am texting my mum to tell her, because she is expecting me home tomorrow!

NKECHI: (singing) what a wonderful world….?? Yoruba female demon is about to lose her strongholds in this family!
The God I serve and pray to daily, neither sleeps nor slumbers! Chineke imeela o! (Thank you, God)
This is worth celebrating. Let me rush down to that mini market down the road and get some items for ofe nsala(white soup)

AMARACHI: alright, sister in law??????

NKECHI: if you like, I go call you auntie sef! Girl, I’m so grateful to you! You don’t know what you have done for me!

(Nkechi left for the market and Funmi came to the living room where Amara was seated, having coffee)

FUNMI: morning, Amara

AMARACHI: morning, dear. Hope you were able to get some sleep last night.

FUNMI: I did, but I had this nightmare about my mum and since morning I’ve been trying to reach her to no avail.

AMARACHI: didn’t you tell me she attends SDA. So she must be in church.

FUNMI: I thought so too, But I’m worried

AMARACHI: have you prayed for her?

FUNMI: Yes.

AMARACHI: then quit worrying! When you pray and still worry, you are casting a vote of no confidence in God!

FUNMI: thanks dear. I worry no more. I saw you talking to my husband this morning. What was he saying?

AMARACHI: you know I was trying to convince him to sort thing out with you. He seems really hurt but you can still feel that he still loves you. I’m sure with time, he’ll come around.

FUNMI: I’m just worried about what would happen if he sends me out of this house.

AMARACHI: don’t worry, we will figure out something. Go get yourself a cup of tea. Ebuka is not worth all these headaches and heartaches..

To be continued


MY WIFE: Episode 14

FUNMI: ?????) hello?

ADAKU: hi, how are you!

FUNMI: I’m worried. I’ve been ringing my mum since morning and she is not taking her calls. Please have you see any of them today and did my dad come home for the weekend?

ADAKU: don’t worry, everything is fine. Your mum was a bit unwell this morning, but she is stable now

FUNMI: oh my Lord! Was it this dream I had! What happened to her? Where is she? Please give her the phone I want to speak with her??

ADAKU: calm down my dear. Your mum is fine. we are both at the hospital now and I can assure you that it is no longer life threatening and she is getting the best care possible in my brother’s hospital

FUNMI: Jesus! I’m coming to Lagos straight away!

ADAKU: there’s no need for the rush. If you wanna see her, take your time and maybe come tomorrow. There is really no need for you to come now. I am here and I will make sure she is alright, to the best of my ability

FUNMI: (starts crying??) please can I talk to her?

ADAKU: oh yes you can! But don’t just make it lengthy as she has been advised to get enough rest, okay?
Right I’ll pass the phone to her.
Madam Bola, Funmi is on the phone for you

MADAM BOLA: (starts crying???)

FUNMI: mummy, why are you crying!! Are you in pain?

MADAM BOLA: I am in emotional pain. Funmi, the way I have treated this lady. I am so ashamed of myself.
I can’t face her.
Never in my life would I believe that an Igbo person could be so nice! 3 times I was rejected by hospitals owned by yorubas.
And here in a hospital owned by an Igbo person, I am being giving VIP treatment….

ADAKU (takes the phone from her) this is not the time for all these, ma. We must stick to the doctor’s advice. Hello, Funmi, please just let her rest now, okay?

FUNMI: Adaku, so my mum has been wicked to you and you never mentioned it to me????

ADAKU: of what use would it be? If I had told you, you would have gone to tell her off, she would get angry and both of you will fall out, creating more and more hatred in the world.

The world already has enough people hating and not talking to each other. We don’t need anymore of that.

FUNMI: I can’t believe this! How can you be this kind to a woman who has treated you so badly! And she is not even from your tribe!

ADAKU: that is because, we are from the same human race. Before being Igbo, I am human first and that is one thing we have in common.

FUNMI: I just can’t reconcile you with this sister in law of mine! Two totally different people from the same tribe! How can I!?‍

ADAKU: because whatever a person is, has nothing to do with their tribe, race or gender. It has everything to do with who they are and how they have decided to treat other people.

FUNMI: I wish the whole world know this! Thank you so much! I’ll speak to my husband now and hopefully, I’ll be in Lagos tomorrow.

(Funmi dropped the call and went to the sitting room where her husband was filling out some forms)

FUNMI: Ebuka, my mum is hospitalised and I need some money to go see her tomorrow ?

EBUKA: I’m sure you know who to ask (concentrating on the forms he was filling)

FUNMI: Ebuka, I am not going to use the money on myself, it is for my mum!

EBUKA: interesting! How sure am I that you are not going to Ghana to continue your escapades with your manager?

FUNMI: stop it Ebuka! Stop acc…

EBUKA: (at the top of his voice) stop what!!! You effing cheating bastard! Are you not even ashamed of yourself?
Look at you! Just look at the state of you! You disgust me!
You know what? I will not give you the honour of making me angry! (Grabs his car keys and left)

FUNMI: (starts crying)

NKECHI: (taps her on the shoulder) madam! Madam! Please go upstairs yeah? It’s a very hot Saturday afternoon. You are disturbing the peace! Biko!

(Funmi went upstairs and continued crying and Nkechi went to meet her boyfriend who was waiting to pick her up at the gate. Amara then went upstairs to funmi)

AMARACHI: what’s the matter? Why are you crying?

FUNMI: I’ve just discovered that my mum is very Ill in the hospital, and Ebuka wouldn’t give me any money to go and see her?
I am not asking him for millions I just want ten thousand naira to supplement the one i have on me?

AMARACHI: it’s okay. Stop crying, I’ll transfer some money into your account

FUNMI: but you are only a student, how are going to raise the money?

AMARACHI: I know you feel I am wretched, but I am actually from a wealthy home. So I’ll transfer fifty thousand naira to your account now. Okay? So get ready and get going.

Send my love to your mum and if you need anything, you have my number. Just text me okay?

FUNMI: I just don’t know what I would have done without you! (Hugs her)

AMARACHI: please don’t make me cry! Get ready okay?

(Funmi got ready and left for the airport and Amara started calling a real estate agent)

AMARACHI (????) hello…..
Sorry, the line went off earlier. So what I need is a 2 bedroom apartment close to Wuse2. I need it well finished and I want it for at least 6 months.

AGENT: madam, it’s very hard to find a landlord that will be willing to agree to that. The minimum you can pay is one year

AMARACHI: okay! how much would that cost?

AGENT: 1.2 million

AMARACHI: listen, I don’t want any endless negotiation. I’ll pay 1 million and please this is urgent!

AGENT: just because I really want to work for you. You need to pay twenty percent deposit before we start.

AMARACHI: send me your account, I’ll transfer it immediately. I’ll be waiting .thanks. bye!

(When she dropped the call, Ebuka started ringing her)

AMARACHI (????) hey, babe!

EBUKA: who were you on the phone with?

AMARACHI: my mum. She was asking when I’m coming back

EBUKA: my in law! Tell her we will be coming together to see her.
Is that cheat out of the house yet?

AMARACHI: yes, she left about an hour ago

EBUKA: bingo! Get ready, I’m coming to pick you up. Let’s do some weekend shopping and dinner afterwards!

(Amara looked her best as she walked hand in hand with Ebuka in the mall. People kept admiring her as she picked everything she needed and they finally made their way to one of the most expensive Chinese restaurant in town)

EBUKA: so what would you like to have, your royal hotness?

AMARACHI: (perusing the menu) erm, noodles, chicken balls, shrimp fried rice with a bit of sweet and sour sauce and some ribs.

EBUKA: and what drink would you like?

AMARACHI: Moet

(Ebuka placed the their order and when it arrived, the lovebirds spoke about their future plans as a couple)

EBUKA: so what kind of wedding would you like?

AMARACHI: elaborate! Like so elaborate!

EBUKA: ticked! Where would you like to have your honeymoon?

AMARACHI: Singapore

EBUKA: ticked. First car?

AMARACHI: BMW

EBUKA: ticked, with a question mark

AMARACHI: why?

EBUKA: only if you give me a daughter as my first child

AMARACHI: ?????

To be continued




MY WIFE: episode 15

BAR. VITALIS: so, I invited you so I can have a good understanding of the issue before I am able to give you any legal advice.

So the Chinese man is a friend of yours?

EBUKA: yes. I met him in China when I did a programme there.

BAR VITALIS: so what exactly are you trying to do with him.

EBUKA: so here is the story. As you know, I am a director in my company and I feel like we need the entire building of our Abuja office renovated, and a conduit wiring done instead of the surface wiring we currently have.

Now, most of my fellow directors are cool with it. Only one difficult woman isn’t so happy with it.
I just wanted to know what the law is in that area.

BAR VITALIS: does your company have it’s own constitution?

EBUKA: no. We use the Company’s Act.

BAR VITALIS: would this contract benefit you in any way?

EBUKA: ermm, well, because I giving the guy the contract, he promised to give me some cash if he is given the contract

BAR VITALIS: Hmmm! Be careful there.

EBUKA: how do you mean?

BAR VITALIS: well, under s.175(1) of the Company’s Act which forms the constitution of your company, you have a duty to avoid conflict of interest with your company.

EBUKA: what does that mean?

BAR VITALIS: in a layman’s term, you must avoid any situation which you have or can have a direct or indirect interest that conflicts or possibly may conflict with the interest of the company.

EBUKA: but this contract will promote the success of the company, which is also my duty as a director.

BAR VITALIS: If you must enter into this contract, then you have a duty under s.177 to make a full declaration of the nature and extent of your interest to other directors.

EBUKA: nah! I don’t want to tell them. That silly woman will kick against it. She hates me!
What if i decide to go ahead and give him the contract without declaring my interest in it?

BAR VITALIS: well, the consequence is that you will be required to account for all profits from the contract, You may also be required to pay the company an equitable compensation.
Another consequence is the recession of the contract

EBUKA: all these will happen if they find out, right?

BAR VITALIS: and that is much much easier than you think. Walls have ears…

EBUKA: so what’s your advice?

BAR VITALIS: If you must enter into that contract, be sure to declare your interest to your fellow directors

EBUKA: I’m not doing that.

BAR VITALIS: Mr Okoye, my duty as your lawyer is to advise you. At the end of the day, the decision is yours to make. But I have given you my candid advice.

EBUKA: thanks, Barrister. I’ll be on my way now.

BAR VITALIS: alright. Bye.

(Ebuka got into his car and discovered that Amara had rang him severally, so he decided to give her a call)

EBUKA???) hey babe. Sorry I was at my lawyer’s office. You okay?

AMARACHI: no.

EBUKA: what’s the problem?

AMARACHI: I’m alone and lonely in the house!

EBUKA: where is Nkechi?

AMARACHI: she went out with her boyfriend

EBUKA: Is that little dirty cheat home yet?

AMARACHI: no

EBUKA: good for her. As soon as she comes back, I’ll ask her to leave my house. So what would you like to do.

AMARACHI: I want you to take me out

EBUKA: but babe, I finish work at 6pm!

AMARACHI: that’s the perfect time to go on a date ?

EBUKA: phew! Okay! I’ll see what I can do. I’m driving back to the office

AMARACHI: do we have a deal?

EBUKA: be sure to wear something steaming hot. Bye. I’m on the wheel

(When Amara dropped the phone, she decided to give Funmi a call)

AMARACHI???) hello, dear

FUNMI: hi, Amara. I called you earlier on and your phone was engaged.

AMARACHI: sorry I was on the phone with my boyfriend. So how’s your mum? Is she okay now?

FUNMI: my dear! Our tenant took her to her brother’s hospital where they properly looked after her.
The best part? They did not charge me a kobo! We are back home now and my mum is even cooking me amala!

AMARACHI: awwww! How kind! At least you will not be crying like a little girl anymore. Mummy’s girl!

FUNMI: hahaha! When I come back, I’ll give you back the money you gave me, as I didn’t use it again

AMARACHI: come on now! Why would you! Use it to get yourself some things in Lagos. Seriously, keep it

FUNMI: awww! You are so kind! Do you know that Ebuka hasn’t called me since I left. I’m really so heart broken. If anyone told me that my own Ebuka would treat me like this, I would not believe it!

AMARACHI: it’s really sad. He has been miserable himself. Doesn’t talk to anyone or eat at home. Sometimes he comes back with takeaway, eats and jumps on his Xbox

FUNMI: is he still drinking?

AMARACHI: no, I think his elder brother told him off about it.

FUNMI: okay. Amara, i want to ask you a question and I don’t want you to be angry with me.

AMARACHI: okay…

FUNMI: please don’t be offended. Has my husband ever asked you out, or make any advances?

AMARACHI: no. Why?

FUNMI: I’m so sorry, Amara. I’m just so paranoid and wondering why Ebuka has lost every feeling he had for me.
I just want to know if he found love somewhere else. I’m sorry I asked you (starts crying)

AMARACHI: come on! You don’t need to cry. I am a woman like you so i understand your insecurities. But to be honest, is he really worth your tears?
Listen, never cry over a man. Cry over the last piece of chicken in the oven, cry over not getting your eyebrows right, but never for a man.

You have a whole lot of life in front of you. So if he leaves, so be it! When are you coming back?

FUNMI: thanks dear and I’m sorry for asking you. I’ll come back this evening, as I will be going back to work tomorrow.

AMARACHI: alright then. If you get home and I am not here, there’s some spaghetti in the fridge.

FUNMI: ughhh! I would like to meet you at home. Where are you going?

AMARACHI: I’m getting dressed to go see a friend of mine. But I should be home before 10pm

FUNMI: alright then. See you soon and thank you so much!

(Amara dropped the phone and immediately, the real estate agent started ringing her)

AMARACHI: (???) hello?

AGENT: Good morning, madam, I found this new property. Very very lovely house .

AMARACHI: where?

AGENT: It’s in Gwagwalada, ma

AMARACHI: I specifically told you I want the house in Wuse2! That was for a reason! Stop calling me up and telling me about properties in other places! Wuse2 or you refund the deposit I paid!
Listen, I need that house latest by the end of this week. If you can’t do it, please let me know. I have other agents that are willing to do it!

AGENT: I will try my best, ma.

AMARACHI: thanks! Bye!

(At exactly 6pm, Ebuka texted Amara that he was waiting for her at the gate, so she met him there and they drove off to yet another expensive dinner date.
Their orders arrived, and Ebuka started eating but at some point, he noticed that Amara had barely touched her own meal..)

EBUKA: what’s the matter? Why are you not eating?

AMARACHI: I’m eating…

EBUKA: this was supposed to be your date! You asked for it.
Are you sure your mind is even here!
I requested you wear something a little revealing, but you wore this maxi trouser instead! Now you are not eating your food!
Why did you ask for a date if you didn’t want one!

AMARACHI: I’m just thinking about a lot of things

EBUKA: such as?

AMARACHI: life, love, loss…in fact, I have been thinking about life in general

EBUKA: you should have stayed home and gave life a good thought instead of coming out here with me and acting as it I am irrelevant.
That’s plain rude!

AMARACHI: I’m sorry but it’s just that I am in dire need of money. I’m just thinking of how to raise the money for my shoe business

EBUKA: how much are you looking at raising?

AMARACHI: 3.5 million, for a start.
Once we get married, I don’t want to be disturbing you about money. I want to be able to contribute to our home.
I’ve always told myself that my husband can always trust me to hold the family when he is unable to do so.
But if we get married now, I can’t do that.

EBUKA: I understand. No man actually wants a liability for a wife. We all want a woman who can indeed be a helper in all aspects.
I will look into it later tonight but for now, I need those charming smiles and happy face back. They keep me sane! Biko

AMARACHI: (smiles faintly) thank you, love.

To be continued


MY WIFE: episode 16


WENG: wow! It’s great to meet you after a long time of Facebook friendship

PETRA: I know, right! Nice to meet you too!

WENG: I must say you look more beautiful in person than you look in pictures.

PETRA: really? Thank you

WENG: so why did it take you so long to agree to meet up with me. Were you scared I was going to kill and eat you?

PETRA: not really. I’m a very busy person; I barely have time to go out

WENG: okay. I’m asking because some people believe that Chinese people eat human beings. I don’t know how true that is, but my family don’t, and I don’t know anyone who does.

PETRA: so how do you find the country?

WENG: good good! Nigeria is a great country and has the potential to be one of the greatest in the world. But sad to say that your leaders are your greatest obstacle

PETRA: I agree with you.

WENG: so, here is the menu. Have a look and see if anything interests you. Otherwise you take me to your house and make us jollof rice

PETRA: heheheh (starts perusing the menu) so what brought you to the country?

WENG: erm, I got a contract to renovate one of the biggest companies here in Abuja

PETRA: wow! Which company is that?

WENG: SEA-TRUE and sons limited. It is a shipping company and one of the biggest in town.

PETRA: oh wow! So how did you get the contract?

WENG: a friend of mine called Ebuka gave me the contract. I met him five years ago when he came to do a programme in China.

PETRA: Sorry, I need to quickly text my niece to remind her to go for her dancing class. Is that okay?

WENG: yes sure!

PETRA: (brought out her phone and pretended to be texting her nephew, but put the phone on recording instead)
sorry. I’m done now . Your friend must be very kind! You said his name is Ebuka. Is he one of the directors of SEA-TRUE?

WENG: yes he is. Not like he did it for free. You Nigerians can never do anything with or for anybody if it doesn’t benefit you in any way.

PETRA: are you saying, he is getting paid for giving you the contract?

WENG: fifteen million out of the money is his!

PETRA: wonderful! He is going to be fifteen million naira wealthier!

WENG: yes, he is planning on taking a new wife and he’ll be needing the money

PETRA: interesting!….

*************************************************

EBUKA: Nkechinyere! Open the door, I’d like to talk to you.

NKECHI: the door is not locked. Open it and come in.

EBUKA: good morning ladies. Nkechi, I want to have a word with you.

NKECHI: Good morning , dede. Sit down

AMARACHI: good morning, Ebuka. I’ll excuse you guys

EBUKA: no no! Sit back. I consider you a part of us now

AMARACHI: thank you.

EBUKA: I have finally made up my mind to divorce Funmi. But because we’ve not been married for long enough to get a divorce, i can’t do so now.
But I can’t have her here either. Every time I set my eyes on her, I want to strangle her!

NKECHIsits up) hian!? please don’t. She is not worth it. I will personally help you throw her out of the house like right now!

AMARACHI: May I ask exactly what she did?

NKECHI: meaning? He just told you he cannot stand her!

EBUKA: Funmi was cheating on me with her manager! Sleeping with him even in the office!

NKECHI: chineke meeeeee??????‍?‍?‍ heeeee! Jesus Christ! I can’t believe this humble lion can ever do a thing like that!
And when she comes back here, she prays and speaks in tongues more than apostle Paul!

Dede, you knew of this and you still kept her here?? Oh my God! Do you want her to infect you with STIs???

EBUKA: I’ve been tested and luckily, I don’t have any STIs and I and Funmi stopped being intimate since I learnt of it.

AMARACHI: mind if I ask how you knew about the cheating?

EBUKA: her friend Calista told me. She even sent me a recorded message where she admitted it. I’ll forward it to both of you after now. So I have my evidence. I have asked her severally and all that little lying cheat would say is “I didn’t cheat”

NKECHI: it’s in their blood! Yoruba women can never be faithful! Dede, that was why every single one of us was against this marriage.

But you thought we just didn’t like her for no reason! Tribal marriage was not God’s original purpose for mankind! I don’t understand why a person would go into a different land to take a wife!

She can betray you in front of you because you don’t understand her damn language! That alone is enough to stop people from this stupid practice of marrying outside your own tribe !

AMARACHI: sorry I’m asking a lot of questions. Can I ask this final one please?

NKECHI:????

EBUKA: feel free.

AMARACHI: when did this cheating happen. Now or before you got married?

EBUKA: right now, that doesn’t even matter to me. I can’t get over the fact that another man has touched her. I am totally switched off as far as Funmi is concerned.
I’m going upstairs now to tell her she must leave the house latest tomorrow.
I’ll leave you now, ladies. ?‍?‍?‍

NKECHI:??????? hi five e don happen! I told you!
Girl, start planning your wedding! My brother is big so withhold nothing!
Go all the way out!!!

I can’t wait to tell brother Chinwendu! ???? I’m so drinking tonight!!

AMARACHI: wow! You have so much influence on your brothers. My brother never let’s me say anything about his wife. He protects her like what!

NKECHI: she probably did some juju on your brother. My dear go on your knees! Prayer works!
Prayer plus action will always yeild results.
I pray and I act! Thank you Jesus!

AMARACHI: I hope your boyfriend doesn’t have a sister like you.

NKECHI: nah! He is an only child

AMARACHI: fantastic! Because I know you wouldn’t wish yourself a sister in law like you.

NKECHI: how do you mean??

AMARACHI: just kidding. I can’t wait to meet your mum and brother Chinwendu. Wedding plans in a bit baby!????

(Ebuka went to their bedroom and found Funmi in bed still asleep)

EBUKA: (gentle taps her on the shoulder) Funmi! Funmi!

FUNMI (incoherently)I don’t know how my husband got to know about it.

EBUKA: that shouldn’t bother you okay? It doesn’t matter anymore. Wake up, I want to have a word with you!

FUNMI (cleans her eyes to enable her see clearly) oh! Good morning, darling

EBUKA: I’m sure you were with your boss in your dreams because you were just telling him you don’t know how I got to know about your adultery with him.
So are you not going to work today?

FUNMI: no, I called off work because I don’t feel very well.

EBUKA: you probably are pregnant for him or you had a rough one over the weekend. It must be one of the two.

FUNMI: Ebuka enough of the insults! I really have had enough. You woke me up this morning to insult me! Seriously, it’s enough!

EBUKA: exactly, why I am here. It is indeed enough! I need you to leave my house latest tomorrow evening. Failure to do so, I’ll take it upon myself to ensure you regret your entire life.

The simple instruction is, leave my house by or before tomorrow evening. If you need that in writing, I am quite happy to do so. If you need it in your native language, tell your father to do that for you!

Good morning!

To be continued

MY WIFE: Episode 17


NKECHI: If you need help taking your luggage to the van, let me know o! I’m nice like that?

FUNMI: you need more help than I do.

NKECHI: whatever! As long as you disappear and never show your face in this house ever again.

FUNMI: shebi you are a woman? It will all come back to you. Mark my words. Amara! Amara!

AMARACHI: yes, Funmi.

FUNMI: my van is here. I’m sure they must have told you, but I’m leaving this house for good. Just thought I should tell you. Bye.

AMARACHI: but you shouldn’t have cheated on your husband. I’m sorry but you caused all these

FUNMI: God in heaven knows I didn’t cheat and he alone is my witness. (Gets into the Van and leaves)

NKECHI: yeeeeeeeee! Storm is over, storm is over now….?????

AMARACHI: your brother has been sad since all these started. We need to find a way to make him happy tonight. We just have to. What do you think we should do?

NKECHI: sleep with him in his room. Hahahaha! But honestly that would make him happy. He was indirectly telling us he is sex starved yesterday, when he said he hasn’t had sex with the idiot since he learnt of the adultery???

AMARACHI: don’t be silly! What do you take me for? What’s your brother’s favourite meal?

NKECHI: vegetable soup. Especially water leaf.

AMARACHI: alright! I’ll go to that junction market and get the ingredients, so we can cook for him

NKECHI: awwww! A good wife right there!

(Amarachi quickly left the house and as she shut the gate behind her, she started ringing Funmi)

FUNMI: (amidst tears)?????? Hello, Amara

AMARACHI: where are you?

FUNMI: I’m on my way to Calista’s house. She promised to shelter me until I am able to find a place.

AMARACHI: no! Please stop the van and tell me exactly where you are. I’ll meet you there. Please

FUNMI: we are just opposite the filling station after the junction.

AMARACHI: don’t move an inch. I’ll be there in literally three minutes…bye!

(Amara met up with them, and joined them in the van)

AMARACHI: Funmi, please stop crying. You have cried enough. Driver, take us to Wuse2

FUNMI: but my friend is very happy to have me stay in her house. Why bother?

AMARACHI: Funmi, you have no friend in her. Please forget her!

FUNMI: she is the only friend I have. Where in Wuse are we going to? Honestly, I wouldn’t want you spending your money on me. You are still unemployed dear please. You have already done enough for me.

AMARACHI: I hope you understood that I didn’t mean what I said in front of Nkechi?

FUNMI: initially, I didn’t understand but when you communicated with yours eyes, I got it

AMARACHI: I’m sure you didn’t eat so when we get to the house, we just leave everything and go out to eat.

FUNMI: which house though?

AMARACHI: you will find out.

(They got to a newly built and fully furnished two bedroom apartment, and Amara asked the van driver to stop. They got off and offloaded..)??

FUNMI: hmmm! Amara, whose house is this?

AMARACHI: here (hands her a key??) for now, this is your home. Treat it as yours, no one will ask you for rent or anything. So make yourself comfortable

FUNMI: is this some joke? But whose house is it?

AMARACHI: it is my brother’s house..

FUNMI: where is he then?

AMARACHI: he lives in London with his family. We had tenants in it but I recently asked them to move because I wanted to use the house.

FUNMI: Amara! I can’t believe this. And you know the funny thing? From here to where I work is literally seven minutes walk!

AMARACHI: that was why I wanted it specifically in Wuse2. That was why I asked where you work the other day.

FUNMI: I don’t understand. I thought you said it is your brother’s house. How come you wanted it specifically in Wuse2. Tell me the truth, did you rent this house?

AMARACHI: I didn’t. When you told me where you work, I remembered that is where my brother’s house is. Come on! Let’s go eat something

FUNMI (looking around in amazement) but this is a new building!

AMARACHI: ermmm, fairly new, but it’s just been renovated that’s why it looks new

FUNMI: Amara, I can’t believe my eyes. You and Calista are my angels on earth. What would I have done without you! God knew Ebuka was going to become a monster and he sent you my way. I’m so grateful (Hugs her really tight)

AMARACHI: come on! It’s okay. I’m famished!

( Amara and Funmi went to a nearby restaurant, ordered plenty of jollof rice, fried meat and drinks and began to eat??????????)

FUNMI: I still can’t believe what Ebuka is doing to me. It’s really sad; I loved him with all my heart

AMARACHI: I understand but life is not always fair. But I want to let you know that your destiny is not tied to any man or woman as a matter of fact. You are enough on your own.

It hurts when the one you love suddenly hates you, but that’s not the end of the world.
You must not cry your heart out, quit your job, start neglecting yourself and become depressed because a man left you.

You have a good job, thank God. You must continue grinding. Whatever dreams you have, you must keep at it. Nobody else matters in this life more than you do.

Listen, there is no shame in walking out of a place where you are no longer wanted. So when you walk on the street, keep your head up.

If Ebuka comes around and you want him back, fine! If he doesn’t, be open to love.
I do not believe that there is only one man out there for a woman. So push aside that idea of when you lose your destined man, that’s it for you.
Every woman has more than hundred men who are capable of treating her right. So if one starts feeling like the best thing after sliced bread, chuck him out and move to the other. This is just what I wanted to tell you.

FUNMI: your words are so healing and encouraging. I wish you didn’t stop. Why are you so strong? There is this spirit in you that is just… I don’t know but I can’t describe it. How do you do it?

AMARACHI: I have been broken several times. My many heart breaks made me strong, and I am determined to support any woman who is going through what I’ve been through in any way possible.
No, I won’t tell you to kill your husband or anything like that, I only encourage women to rise above the things they go through. Because, no better revenge than becoming successful.

And I know you work, but you need streams of income. If you are interested, I’m about starting a shoe business, we can do it together.

FUNMI: wow! Please I’m interested. Can I ask you a question?

AMARACHI: sure!

FUNMI: do you work?

AMARACHI: not yet. I’m still looking for a job. But I do business here and there trying to save up money for my shoe business

FUNMI: there is currently an available position in my company. Would you like to apply for it?

AMARACHI: yes please!

FUNMI: send me your CV via email and I’ll do the rest

AMARACHI: thanks so much! I’m grateful. I’m going to be on my way now. They must be expecting me. But I’ll be coming here to spend time with you every often until I move in finally….when my job is done

FUNMI: Amara, I can’t thank you enough! I really can’t. God bless you. Eshe!

AMARACHI: hope you know your way back to the house?

FUNMI: yes. It’s just round the corner.

AMARACHI: bye hun. See ya!

(Amara rushed back home and deliberately did not buy any food items for the proposed vegetable soup)

EBUKA: where have you been? I’ve called you a million and one times!

AMARACHI: just begin to thank God. In fact, you guys must testify to the goodness of God on Sunday. Your family is blessed

NKECHI: what happened?

AMARACHI: hmmm! I fainted in the market. For four hours , doctors at the general hospital were trying to resuscitate me. Hmmm

EBUKA: what?

AMARACHI: my parents would have accused you of using me for rituals o! Kenekwanu chi unu (better thank your God)

NKECHI: Jesus Christ! It’s that Yoruba witch! She knows You 8will replace her. She has started her juju but power pass power! She will be the one that will die.
Very diabolical set of people!

AMARACHI: I thought as much my dear. It must be her.

EBUKA: so who paid the hospital bill?

AMARACHI: One woman paid everything and even bought me food

Ebuka: wow! Thank you Jesus

AMARACHI: amen o!!!

To be continued


MY WIFE. Episode 18

EBUKA: (knocks knocks) morning ladies, can I come in, please?

NKECHI: (opens the door) come in, dede. Good morning

AMARACHI: morning, Ebuka.

EBUKA: morning, beautiful. How do you feel now?

AMARACHI: just a little giddy, but I’ll be fine.

EBUKA: are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the hospital before going to work?

AMARACHI: nah, there’s no need for that. Guess I was stressed but didn’t know it.

EBUKA: then you must rest. Actually, I’ll be going to France next week, you can come with me if you like

AMARACHI: awwww! I wouldn’t mind. I haven’t been to France before.

Ebuka: dust your passport then

NKECHI: how about me?

EBUKA: talk to your boyfriend about it

NKECHI: hehehehe! Someone is in love!

EBUKA: guilty as charged. Anyways, ladies I’m here to talk to you guys again.
Amara, if you ask Nkechi or anyone who knows me, they will tell you that I am a very straight forward guy.
I don’t take more than twenty four hours to make a decision.
When I find something I like, I don’t hesitate to pin it down and make it mine

I’ve always loved family. The feeling of sharing your entire life with that one person who completes you, is awesome.
That was why I got married at 32. Unfortunately, it was the shortest marriage ever known to man.

I take the blame. I should have listened to my mum and brother…

NKECHI: (interrupts) and Nkechi

EBUKA: yes ma. Margaret Thatcher

THE GIRLS: hahahahahaha!!!!

EBUKA: so Amara, this is not going to be the most glamourous proposal because i haven’t even got any ring with me.
But again, I am a bit of a rebel. I don’t always play by the rules. I find beautiful ways of breaking man made rules…

I just wanted to obtain your permission to go see your people over the weekend, before we go to France together.
At least they need to know who their daughter is going out with.
Do I have that permission?

AMARACHI: awwww! Of course you do! But I need to call my parents and find out if the date is okay by them

EBUKA: wicked! Do so and let me know their response, please

NKECHI: (starts dancing the traditional Igbo dance)??? you guys are going to be the cutest couple in town!

EBUKA: I know. I’m very handsome ain’t I?
Not that your short bread boyfriend

NKECHI: hmmm! Leave my man alone!

EBUKA: I hold am? Alright ladies, I’ll be going to work now. There’s an emergency board meeting I need to attend.
Nkechi, look after my baby. Amara, ensure you get enough rest. I don’t want you to be ill again.

AMARACHI: I won’t be. Look after yourself at work.

(Ebuka left and Nkechi threw herself on the bed in excitement???)

NKECHI: girl! This is the first day of the best days of your life! You are going to France next week!

AMARACHI: na that one dey fear me o! Wetin I get na expired passport

NKECHI: no worries, I’ll give it to my boyfriend. His best friend works with Immigration. He’ll get you a passport before weekend

AMARACHI: this is why I love you! You have a solution to every problem.

NKECHI: what are friends for! So do you know what wedding gown you would like?
Princess or mermaid?

AMARACHI: I haven’t decided yet

NKECHI: you better start deciding now. Ebuka will take you unawares. That’s who he is.
He might call you up tomorrow and tell you that the wedding is next week.
Better stop acting like you have time, because you actually don’t.

AMARACHI: I have you, so i have no worries

NKECHI: yes, you do but I won’t choose your dress for you.

AMARACHI: wow! I can’t believe this is happening. It all started like a joke. Look where we are now!
So what are we eating today?

NKECHI: you tell me. This is your soon to be husband’s house.

AMARACHI: alright, I’ll go to the market and get a whole goat, get the butchers to cut it into pieces for me so we can make goat meat peppersoup and rice for dinner.

NKECHI: Ebuka will definitely enjoy his life henceforth.
That Yoruba woman was always cooking him all those nasty amala and even though he didn’t like it, he would pretend.
Such a lovely brother of mine!

God has seen that he deserves to be treated how he treats other people.

AMARACHI: yes, he will indeed be treated the way he treats people…
I’m happy to be honoured with that responsibility

NKECHI: you are a lucky woman, girl!

(Amara left the house pretending to have gone to the market, but went to Wuse2. She knocked on the door and Funmi who was off work opened the door for her)

FUNMI: hello, my sister!

AMARACHI: hello! Wow! the house is sparkling! You’ve been busy, I can tell.

FUNMI: come in! My friend came around to see me

AMARACHI: wow! That’s nice

(Funmi and Amara got into the dinning area where Calista was seated with a glass of cranberry juice funmi had offered her)

FUNMI: Cals, meet my sister from another mother! Amara, meet Calista!

CALISTA: awwww! Are you the Amara I’ve heard a lot about?

AMARACHI: yes. I’ve heard a lot about you too! Funmi told me what a wonderful And supportive friend you’ve been to her.

CALISTA: awww. I do like to support my fellow women as much as I can.
The world is so unfair to us, so we must stick together and become each other’s support system.

AMARACHI: I see. Anyway, nice to meet you.

CALISTA: nice to meet you too.

FUNMI: so what drink would you like. Food is not ready yet.

AMARACHI: I’m not hungry yet. I know what I’m about to say is strange and totally off the topic, but there’s something that has been going through my head. Should i tell you guys?

CALISTA: sure! Why not

AMARACHI: have you guys ever wondered what you would do, if you were Jesus and knew that Judas had betrayed you and still sitting on the same dinning table with you. Okay! Let me simplify it.
If you were in Jesus’ shoes, what would you do?

CALISTA: I’ll just pour a hot meal on him.

FUNMI: ermm! I haven’t actually thought of it. Amara, you are so weird. I don’t know…I’ll probably send him out or something

AMARACHI: Calista, you said you like supporting women right?

CALISTA: yes. It gives me Pleasure!

AMARACHI: awwww! That makes both of us! We have have that in common. I like supporting women and I will like to support you in my own little way right now.

CALISTA: awwww

AMARACHI: why don’t we start like this..(slaps her really hard across the face) you two faced disgrace to womanhood!???

FUNMI: oh my God! Amara, what are you doing! Stop it! Are you drunk or what??

CALISTA: (holding her face) Funmi you should have told me that your friend is mad so I know how to defend myself!

AMARACHI: this the human snake that told your husband that you are cheating on him. She even went ahead to send him the conversation between you guys where you admitted to sleeping with Osai.
This is the devil behind your marital problems!

FUNMI (quiet but obviously in shock) am I dreaming?…Calista? …Please tell me it’s not true….tell me you didn’t stab me at my back…tell me it’s the wrong Calista, please… Look at me Calista, look me in the eye. Did you do it?…did you?? Why? Did I wrong you in any way?… (breaks down in tears)

To be continued


 MY WIFE: Episode 19

NKECHI: dede, have you noticed that Amara hasn’t been her normal self since yesterday?

EBUKA: yeah. Your friend looks like someone who worries a lot. That is something you need to tell her to work on.
I like my woman happy; a woman I can have a good laugh with, not one who is constantly moody and worried.
I’ve texted her a couple of times to come upstairs and talk to me, but she said no.

NKECHI: I’ve known her too long, and believe me, she is a very bubbly lady. Something must be bothering her. Please see if you can talk to her. Bikonu

EBUKA: we are not even married yet and I am already expected to pet and pamper her. You really love this woman because you were never this nice to Funmi.

NKECHI: because she is useless! Please she is not one to remember before breakfast. Dede, try to talk to Amara, please! Im going back to my room. My tummy aches.

(Ebuka went down stairs where Amara was seated on the sofa alone in her night gown, held her hands and persuaded her to go upstairs with him, reluctantly, she followed him)

EBUKA: sit on the bed

AMARACHI: I don’t feel like sitting down

EBUKA: now let’s get serious! I’m not going to rape you, am I! If I want sex from you, I will ask blatantly. I’m sure you know this! Come on! Tell me your fears

AMARACHI: I have none

EBUKA: your face says otherwise. Come on! Talk to me

AMARACHI: (starts crying)???

EBUKA: oh no! What’s the matter. Are you worried about how people would view You marrying a divorcee?

AMARACHI: no. I’m just worried that we are getting married soon and I do not have any business of my own.
I really want to start my shoe business and I only need half a million naira to complete the money.

EBUKA: awww! Your desires are good. It shows you are not selfish and you desire to be a great helper.
If it’s just half a million, then ill transfer it to you as soon as I get to the office this morning. It’s nothing to be all gloomy about, alright?

AMARACHI: God bless you so much! You are such a blessing to my life! Now, I can’t wait to get married! It’s been the only hitch so far.

EBUKA: you are welcome, beautiful. Now that we are on it, I might as well tell you this. I am frightened. So so frightened…I am only trying to put myself together because I didn’t want you and Nkechi to be worried

AMARACHI: what’s going on? You can always talk to me.

EBUKA: I injected all my life savings in an investment and so far, it is not looking great.

I told you about the contract I gave my Chinese friend, right?

AMARACHI: yes, you did.

EBUKA: now, when he finished the job, the company paid him and he gave me the sum of 15 million naira. I didn’t want to waste it so I started researching things I can invest in.
Then I found this car dealership company in Dubai, contacted them and the guy I spoke with assured me they can send me about 4 brand new Honda accord for one hundred and fifty million.

I thought it was a fair deal, so i added more money to the fifteen million and paid them. He called to confirm receipt of the payment and promised he would keep me updated all the way.

Four days went, and he didn’t contact me. So i decided to call

[Edoman]

i

[lilymoon]

I need the complete episode

[Edoman]

I need the complete episode

OK LILYMOON

[Gimbiya]

Edoman we need page 1-10